G kid progress report

Didn't you expect this behavior? Two weeks -- one might say rather hellish weeks, at least at times, have passed. One friend asked me recently, "Didn't you know to expect these behaviors?" and the answer is "Yes, we knew with our intellects... but that is far different from living it every day."

Yesterday was another 'takes two to get Vika to school day.' On Monday of this past week, Diana, who has been adopting her sister's best practices for being difficult, decided to try outright refusal to attend school. She went to school in her nightgown, and I think she's decided that the consequences aren't worth it to her. We will be glad when Vika makes the same decision.

Perspective: To give some perspective on our situation -- about which we are cautiously optimistic -- here are some comments from adoptive parents who have survived the first year and now mostly have 'normal' problems with their children:

....."For the first year, I wanted to hang a sign over their heads that said, 'ADOPTED'."

....."My son was really hostile to me for the first year, but now I feel really close to him."

....."Later my daughter told me that I'd been really mean to her the first year she lived with me. I asked her what I'd done, and she said, 'You made me say please and thank you.' I must have succeeded, however, because now she says them naturally and gracefully!"

And one comment from a kid who was adopted 5+ years ago:
....."At first I swore at my parents in Russian (using foul language), but then I began to understand what our pastor was saying..." And now she is very close to her parents and wants to become a missionary to the former Soviet Union.

Fetal Alcohol Exposure (FAE) and Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) This week we had our first meeting with a psychologist who does a lot of work with adopted children and their parents. He has worked a lot with children adopted from Russia, and remarked that it is almost impossible that our children, with their background, escaped all consequences in utero exposure to ethanol. This is called, in its full-blown state, fetal alcohol syndrome. Prenatal exposure to alcohol messes up the sequence of development of the brain, both anatomically and the brain's response to development, pruning and the environment. Since Ludmilla Yurievna, their bio mother, is reported to be a confirmed alcoholic, we were naive to think that such lovely children escaped FAE unharmed.

The psychologist commented that alcohol use in Russia is about 5x (or maybe 10x) that of alcohol use here in the States. I hope that is per capita and not total consumption, as the Russian population is about half of ours, I think.

The psychologist was supportive, encouraging, and we are off working on a new round of behavior modification and therapy books!

Good times: Are there good times? YES! But the good times are often short, very sweet, and hard to capture. Oddly, one good time in my life is getting Diana up to go to the bathroom before I go to sleep. (She's had several accidents in the last week, so I'm back to doing that.) She is warm, and drowsy, and very clingy, and sweet.

She is usually sweet, by the way, and we have great fun tickling each other , giving each other raspberries, playing silly games, etc.

We have established a new routine for after dinner. It has destroyed kitchen clean-up but has been very good for bonding and for learning. We clear away the dishes and immediately start doing 'homework.' Sometimes this is real homework that the teachers have assigned, but more often it is some kind of math or word play that we do with the kids. It is amusing to watch Vika supervise her sister's counting! Vika doesn't realize how much SHE is learning from the repetition of Diana's work!

One game involves an egg carton and 78 pennies... Last night I put the pennies in the carton randomly and asked Diana to check my work. After checking a couple of places, she 'decided' it would be easier to dump out all the pennies and count them from scratch! 1, 1..2, 1..2..3, etc...

Vika is now reading -- with SUCH PRIDE AND ENTHUSIASM -- the first series of Bob Books!

Both of the children adore the dogs and the adoration is mutual. Tango the tooth is also Tango the incredibly patient with kids tugging and pulling and generally man-handling him. His teeth are all directed at paper and garbage, never intentionally at kids.

This week after school, both kids have been decorating some Home Depot moving boxes that I bought for storing things away. They paint the sides with tempera paint, and the results are rather cool! And it turns out that at 67 cents per carton, I am getting a good deal economically as well.

Last night we had a long session with the dollar bins at Target -- and their allowances. Got to teach them about money somehow, and this is a good start.

When they make the school bus, they get a smiley face on the allowance chart and they get their allowances. Missing the school bus results in a TURTLE on the chart, and forfeiting the allowance.

This week I was in Diana's class twice, for Math Action. I got to help kids do really simple Tangrams! My favorite! What fun that was!

Next week, I do Math Action with Vika's class.

A couple of weeks ago I did Science Action with Diana's class. These activities are REALLY FUN for everyone!

This week, I introduced Vika to a book on puberty. She is fascinated and we have spent some very sweet times together in Chuck's and my bed, looking at the book and discussing the issues that she finds compelling. And she refuses to let her sister look at the book, because there are pictures of 'naked people' in it! foflol

So, we are surviving, holding on, praying a lot, and being tired a fair amount, too.

Please keep praying for us!

G